A book, a dream, & some spring rolls

Last night, the moon came up late and lazy letting the stars have their moment. Clearly far into its crescent phase at this point, I half expect a striped purple cat to appear in the middle of the sky from that bright Cheshire grin. I think to myself, Lewis Carroll must have experienced the exact same moon.

While on watch, I finished my fourth book of the trip, The Boy Behind the Gate by Larry Jacobson. I know Larry personally. In a fun story of finding each other through a personal ad in Latitude 38, Larry became Jan’s mentor, so for Connor and I he’s almost like a grand-mentor. Larry’s book is a lovely personal account made up of old emails, journal entries, and contemporary reflections on Larry’s circumnavigation aboard the boat Julia. Among the lessons of love, friendship, tolerance, and learning to slow down life, Larry talks of his experience learning to just go. Is there something you want to do? Just go do it. Don’t know how to do something? Trust in your tenacity, go learn it and stick with it. Larry, if you read this, thank you for sharing your story, I’m sorry it took so long for me to read it; you have inspired me in more ways than you may know.

When Connor and I first met (on a dating app during COVID if you didn’t know:), one of the things I found so attractive about him was his commitment to his dreams. Connor spoke of sailing around the world on our very first date. As someone who had never set foot on a sailboat before, I originally laughed it off, believing it was only something you really did if you were crazy or if your profession required it. But after a few seconds of laughing, “haha, yeah good one!” I could see he meant it. Connor was and is a dreamer, a big thinker, and unlike many who share the previous two qualities, he’s also a doer - you are the trifecta, my dear.

A couple months later, as a senior about to graduate from college, Connor asked me the scariest yet simplest question anyone has ever asked me: “What are your dreams?” Feeling overwhelmed with the uncertainty of trying to find my first engineering role in the world that was COVID and barely pulling it together for that very typical and mainstream task, I sat silently for several minutes and then broke down crying. At first I tried to answer the question for myself, but each answer I came up with when considering my future and what it could be felt so mundane, so average, so expected, that they didn’t even feel worth saying aloud. At the moment, all I wanted was to get a job out of school that didn’t involve something that was totally destroying the environment or creating weapons for the DOD (as an inexperienced mechanical engineer, my options were very limited). It’s not that finding a job and doing it well is an unworthy dream, but I want to do big things and go places and live life so fully… my lack of a greater direction felt out of alignment with my true self and Connor had hit right at the nerve. But Connor was kind and understanding in the face of my unexpected breakdown; he said “It’s okay! You don’t have to know what they are yet. We’ll figure it out together.”

Last night, sitting in the dark on a boat now more than 500 miles off the coast of Africa (I’ve lost track of exactly how far at this point), it occurred to me that Connor’s dream had truly become my dream. It’s something we now share completely. Sailing across oceans has become something I yearn for as much as I know he does. The adventure, the challenge, the peace - they all feel like such special elements of this dream that I am now actively working towards, independently of Connor’s involvement and with just as much enthusiasm.

In addition, I see my other dreams starting to take shape and blossom. When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always say artist. After many years of disillusionment and letting myself be convinced that art was not actually a viable career path, here I am pursuing this dream that I’ve had since I was a kid. Not that I’ve made any money yet, but here I am trying.

This calendar year has been full of adventures I never would have anticipated even just one year ago. I feel so grateful to be here, to have the time and the resources to be able to do what I’m doing…

Such as learning to fillet a fish on the fly since no one else on the boat really knows how to do it (wearing a bathing suit for a quick shower on the trampoline after it all)… and making fresh spring rolls on a boat using the raw fish. Wild.

We’re probably about 1/5 of the way through our journey from Cabo Verde to Sint Maarten. Feeling excited for land but staying in the moment.

Journey before destination…

E